You Won't Find Her
by your21
Summary: Anyone can get lost, especially in their emotions. RogueLogan. SEQUEL POSTED
1. Chapter 1

_This is set after X-MEN three. Munroe/Storm takes over for The Professor. Thank you MJ for going over this story for me. You rock. __**And an edit: **__Thanks to Kimmae for going through these old chapters and beta reading :)_

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_**YOU WONT FIND HER**_

**CHAPTER ONE**

_WHO AM I HOLDING ONTO?_

I twisted the silver chain around my fingers just enough to cut off some circulation. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to _feel_ him again. You know how when you're surrounded by people, you get a different feeling from each of them? Not bad feelings or good feelings, just a feeling, like you're picking up on the essence of their soul. Even when you think about that person, you get that feeling. It's not as strong, but you feel it. Well, I miss feeling him. I let loose of the chain, and watched it slowly twirl off my fingers. I watched as the titanium key charm dangled.

I know he doesn't like me that way. I think I'm like a daughter, or maybe a little sister to him. Ah, what am I thinking? I really shouldn't be worrying about these things. I have a boyfriend! A lovely boyfriend at that.

I swear, sometimes Bobby can be such a sweetheart, but I question his sexual orientation. I _know_ he's not gay, but you know... most sensitive guys are.

"Marie!"

Who was shouting my name this time? It wasn't Bobby... he was talking to a few of his friends. So who was it? I spun around to see if I could find where that voice came from.

Professor Munroe, of course. Storm took over for Xavier after he died. Why didn't I recognize her voice? I must be too deep in thought.

I walked up to Munroe with a smile, "Hello."

"Hello, Marie." Her voice was filled with kindness, something I've been lacking these days.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell you that Logan called. He told me to tell you that he's doing fine and will be back in a week."

My excitement was obviously visible, but who cares? Logan was my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and my protector. Sometimes I wanted him to be more, but it's not right. We're not right.

"Thank you for letting me know."

"You're quite welcome."

"I miss him," I stated quite bluntly.

Every time Logan left, I went crazy. I was like a child lacking a parent. Okay, wait, not a good comparison! You don't _love_ your father, right? Didn't think so. I think it's more like I'm missing the other half of myself. I don't feel safe. I don't feel complete. I don't feel happy. I need my other half back.

I gripped the silver chain. It wasn't a necklace.

"_It's a pendant on a chain! If you're going to call it a necklace at least have the courtesy to call it a __**man**_ _necklace."_

I smiled at the memory. My smile quickly faded, once the rest of my memories involving the necklace came to me. See, it was a gift from Jean. I think it was to replace the tags he once wore. Why didn't I think of doing that? Scott didn't understand it, though. He was jealous. He had reason to be, though. The reason Jean gave Logan this, was because she...

I dropped the silver chain—

...loved him.

Now with Jean gone, this is the only piece he has of her....

"Are you okay?" Munroe asked.

"Oh yes, sorry. I was just—" I knelt down to pick up Logan's necklace.

She smiled. "You care about him quite a lot, don't you?"

I picked up the necklace and nodded, "Yes, I do."

"It's a shame he doesn't realize how much," she went on in a knowing way. "You know, sometimes one can care about somebody so much... they forget what it is stopping them from showing it."

"I... uhm...." Where was a good excuse when I needed one?

"No need to explain."

I nodded hesitantly. How did she know? Am I that obvious? I really don't want anyone to know about my feelings towards Logan. I am ashamed of these feelings! I forgot what this necklace meant _to him._ I got so caught up in what it meant to me....

"Marie!" Bobby ran up to me.

"Oh, hey there." I smiled.

"Another time?" Munroe asked. It wasn't really a question though. Judging by her tone of voice, it seemed like a statement.

"Yes" I said, "another time would be great."

After Munroe made her way down the hall, Bobby's curious side came out, "Another time for what, may I ask?"

"It's girl stuff."

"Okay, then. Does this _girl stuff_ concern me any?"

I giggled, "Maaaaybe...."

Truth is, in a way it does concern him. The feelings I have for Logan are wrong, inappropriate. He is much older than I and... well, you get the rest. He's still grieving over Jean. Last thing the man needs is some young woman crushing all over him.

After all, that's all I really am. _Some_ young woman, not _his_.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter beta read by Kimmae _

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**CHAPTER TWO**

_MOMENTS IN TIME_

I remember being told 'five more minutes' whenever I wanted to do something. It would take almost forever for those five minutes to pass before I could get what I want. However, now that I'm older, I realize five minutes isn't very long. There are sixty seconds in a minute, so that'd be about three hundred seconds. One Mississippi...

A second isn't that long. Every time I was told to wait five minutes, I was impatiently wasting three hundred moments of my life.

"_Logan should be here soon. I'd give it five more minutes," _Munroe had told me exactly five minutes ago.

I'd wasted another three hundred moments just waiting for Logan to show up. I'd waste all my moments so long as I had the best moment with Logan. He is worth that, and a lot more.

"Look what I got!" Bobby Drake waved a brightly colored envelope in the air.

I examined the envelope from a distance unsure of what it may hold. All the moments I waste? Money? A love letter? Or an unknown secret about to reveal itself? An envelope could hold so many things, and unless you have x-ray vision, its not worth guessing. "What?" I asked Bobby as I gestured for him to sit beside me.

"Open it." he handed by the envelop.

I carefully poked my finger in at the edge of the envelope and started to slide it through. Once the envelope was ripped open, I slid my hand inside to see what it had that was so special. Inside there was a golden chain. "What is this?" I asked, pulling out the naked chain (adornment).

"Tonight, after dinner..." Bobby spoke sweetly, "your charm will be waiting."

"My charm?" I asked smiling.

"Yeah, it's for—"

Just then I felt a gust of wind blow my hair. "Logan!" I got up and rushed over to him. He was still standing in the doorway, when I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so glad you're back."

"So am I." He wrapped his arms tight around me. His powerful arms holding onto me is something I'd been waiting anxiously for.

"Oh," I pulled back and reached around my neck, undoing the silver chain "Here you go" I handed him back his necklace.

"See you got a replacement." Logan eyed the other chain in my hand that Bobby had just given me. He smiled and reached his hand out, tucking my hair behind my ear, "You better get inside. I'll shut this door."

I smiled and stepped backwards a little, noticing that I had completely forgot my boyfriend. He was still sitting down, but just started to get up. "Hey," he said to Logan as he shut the door.

"Hey there, Bobby." He nodded, "I've got to go let Munroe know I'm back. Catch you two later."

_You two_, I shrugged at his words. "See you." I waved as he brushed past Bobby and I.

What is wrong with me?

I turned over to smile at my boyfriend, "So, what was it you were about to say?"

I feel like I'm being cruel to Bobby, and I guess in a way I am. It's just that Logan and his essence carries me away. I really need to get away from the place it carries me. It's a beautiful place, but I don't belong there. I belong here with Bobby.

"Oh, its nothing. You'll find out later."

I tilted my head, "You sure?" I poked his shoulder, "You don't wanna tell me?"

"I'm sure," He leaned in and kissed my cheek, "Love you."

"Love you too."

After Bobby left, I went back to my room and gathered some of my books. I attended my classes, and in the last class, I looked at the clock. A few hours had passed and it was getting time for dinner. Dinner, gosh. After dinner I would find out about the charm that belongs on that golden chain. Maybe I should wear something nice?

I started to head back to my room when I bumped into Logan. He had tears in his eyes.

"Hey," I said. He didn't respond, so I reached out my hand and grabbed his arm. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm great, just a little dust in my eyes."

"Dust..." I said, "do you want to talk about the dust?"

"I don't know if I'm ready to talk about the dust right now."

"You can always try... it might help the dust go away."

Logan finally looked up at me, meeting my eyes, "I don't want the dust to go away."

I smiled softly, "I think we should talk about the dust, come on."

I let go of Logan's arm, and started walking with him. As we walked and more people surrounded us, his tears were no longer visible.

I noticed an empty room and walked over to it. "So," I said as I entered the empty room, "the dust..."

"Jean," He corrected, "I thought I was over it."

"You'll never be." I sighed, wishing what I said wasn't true.

"Thanks for the advice!" Logan teased.

"I know.. I hear I'm really great with it. But on a serious note, even though you're never going to get over Jean, you can still move on."

"Move on to what? I don't have too much going on with my life, if you can't tell."

"You have us! This place, your friends... and me."

"Maybe that's not enough. Jean was a lot to me... I need something more to help me move on."

_I'm not enough...?_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter beta read by Kimmae :)

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**CHAPTER THREE**

_Don't Wanna Lie_. _I'm Jaded_

"Oh."

My voice was emotionless, but inside I was feeling so many different things, I was sure I was going to explode I try to hide my feelings and pretend every thing is okay, just like everybody else does. Munroe is pretending not to worry about the cure and whether it might be fading off on some students, and Logan pretends that the only reason he is upset is because Jean is dead, not because he killed her. And me, I'm pretending I love Bobby _only._

_Liar, _I sighed. Is that what I am?

"Oh, no! I didn't mean it that way." Logan must've just picked up on my tone of voice.

Didn't he mean it that way, though? He stated it clearly, that his friends... that I'm not enough.

"It's okay," I smiled, "I know what you meant."

He nodded. "You're a good friend, Marie."

"I'm just not..." I trailed off.

"Not what?"

I shrugged, "Even if I could tell you... you'd just laugh." Or worse, he'd push me away.

I needed to change the subject before all his prying and my denying made my love appear. After so many questions and silly lies, a flashing sign would appear above my head reading "I love you". I didn't need that, and neither did he.

"You know what," I said before he could argue whether or not he'd laugh, "never mind."

"You seem different, Marie." Logan half-smiled as he observed me, "Did something happen while I was gone?"

His smile faded and he cocked his head. I shook mine. It's funny, you know, how you're always told to express yourself. Tell people how you feel. It's not that easy though. I can only imagine what a mess I would cause if I told Logan how I feel.

I wanted to scream, 'Yes, I realized just how much I love you!' I couldn't say that though. I shook my head at his question, not wanting to answer it with speech. I must've done something wrong, though, because now he is running his fingers across his forehead and through his hair, which was now a mess. "Did something happen with Bobby?"

"No, no, no. Everything is fine between us." I think...

"Then what is it?"

I started becoming annoyed. Annoyed with questions, with myself, my feelings. "You wanna know what's wrong!" I shouted. "You! You are what's wrong!"

Did I really just say that?

"Whoa! What the hell is wrong with me?!"

Yes I did.

"I wish I knew." I whispered.

What the hell is wrong with him? _Nothing at all. _The better question is, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm usually so great at containing my anger and any of my emotions. I probably blew up at him because for so long, I had to contain my own touch.

"Listen, I'm sorry Marie. I can't help you if you don't want to talk to me. I just..." He paused, obviously searching for the right words, "talked to you." He shook his head, "I told you things. And you can't tell me what's wrong? Why are you mad at me?"

"Its not that easy," I sighed, "or that simple."

"Hey, nothing ever is. Look, I'm sorry I left for so long. And I'm sorry if I've been an ass, but that gives you no right to go all hormonal on me."

"I'm not...being...hormonal." I smirked, "I'm just...."

"Okay, well whatever its called when you girls freak out for no reason."

No reason? "Mood swingy?" I offered. I was unsure of what its called myself.

"Yeah, sure. Close enough." He laughed. "So now that you're done being mood swingy, would you like to tell me what's wrong?"

"Sometimes I just feel like I'm not enough."

"I thought..."

"No, not that. I understood what you meant. I do." I bit onto my lip, like its really going to help me hold onto my words. "I just feel like I'm not enough for anyone. I'm not enough of a friend to you, and I'm caring enough to Bobby, I'm not smart enough for Munroe...I'm just not enough."

"But..."

"Wait," my eyes widened. Oh shit... "I forgot...."

"Don't change the subject."

"No, I'm not. Bobby, I'm supposed to be meeting him for my charm."

"Charm?"

"Yeah, can we continue this later? I'm sorry!"

"Not caring enough," Logan coughed.

"Okay, okay." I ignored him, "See you later."

I rushed out and into the halls, where I bumped into Bobby. "Where were you?"

"Oh, uh... I was just getting ready. I'm sorry."

"Oh, okay. Well, you ready to see your charm?"

"Yes I am." I smiled, and reached to wrap my arm around Bobby. I was so happy to be in the presence of Bobby, and away from the annoying questions that Logan kept asking.

"Well," Bobby reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white box.

I smiled brightly amazed with how thoughtful my boyfriend could be. I hadn't seen the charm yet, but I already know I'll love it I reached for the box slowly, and once it was in my hands, I stared at it for awhile. _I need to let him go, I have Bobby. I have this... _I carefully opened up the box, and inside I saw what appeared to be a tiny heart-shaped locket.

"Look inside." Bobby directed.

I did as he said and inside I saw a picture of the both of us, playing in the snow. "Bobby, this is so sweet."

"Read it."

I looked around for words inside the locket, "_I love you Marie. With all my heart... _"Bobby... this is so sweet... I love you!" I wrapped both of my arms around him now, giving him a hug. "You're so amazing. Sometimes I think I forget how amazing you are."

I pulled back so there was room for me to give him a kiss. But when I looked at his face, I saw something I haven't seen for awhile. No, it can't be. I let go of Bobby—was this really happening? Was I really getting my powers back? "Bobby.." I said. I looked at him..

He gasped for breath, "...I'm okay." he whispered.

"They're back. They're back!" I cried and started to walk away from Bobby. "No," I cried (synonym here, maybe?) and went running down the hall.

I can't believe this is happening. They aren't back completely though... if they were... I would've hurt Bobby a lot more. Why? Why me? I ran faster, maybe I was hoping to catch the answer to my questions. Or another cure.

I felt my body slam into something. "Marie..." Logan grabbed onto my arms.

"No!" I pushed Logan away, "Don't touch me... just... don't!"

I started running again, "nobody touch me!" I cried. I thought it was over... I thought I was cured.

Once I reached the exit doors, I stopped to catch my breath and pushed the doors open.

"Marie, wait!" Logan must've been running behind me.

I spun around, "I'm never coming back." I said. "I can't live this life anymore. I know this is the only family I have, but, goodbye."

I started to walk away and as I did I whispered my dirty little secret: "I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

beta read by Kimmae :)

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**CHAPTER FOUR**

_I Don't See Me_

I know running away is wrong. If there's anything I've learned, its that you can't run away from your problems. I just don't think I have the strength to face my problems. This past week I have been behaving like a young teenager. A teenager torn between a real, safe love and then this other kind of love. This love for an older guy, my love for Logan. I was so caught up in the secret drama of my own life, that I forgot about more important things. Things like my powers. Even though Storm has been concerned that some of the other students might be getting their powers back, I didn't even think that mine might return. They did though. And yes, I know I should be running back to face my problems instead of sitting in this diner.. but like I said, I don't think I have the strength to do that.

When you're a mutant, there's only one road. And I'm going the wrong way.

"What can I get you? We have a special on our breakfast plate, the number one." The waitress looked at me curiously.

"Just a coffee is fine. Thank you."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

I watched the waitress walk away, and once she was gone, I sighed. I looked out the window and saw nothing but snow and cars. I wonder if anyone is looking for me? In a way, I want them to. Because if they aren't... that means they don't care. I'm pretty sure Storm and the others care, though. I don't want them to look for me, though, because I don't want to be found. I want to hide until I can figure things out. Until then, I have to be careful and find myself a new home.

"Here's your coffee." The waitress was back, "Would you like anything else?"

"No thank you. Um, wait.. do you have today's newspaper?"

"Sure, I'll go get you it."

I took a sip of my warm coffee while the brunette woman went to get me the newspaper. I need to decide whether or not I am serious about running away. If I am, then I need to find a job and a place to stay. "Here you go" The lady placed the newspaper on the table.

"Thanks," I picked it up and went over to the classifieds.

If I go back, I have to face Bobby. He will give me that it's okay look... and his sad eyes... and that pity. I don't want that pity! Maybe, I can just take off for a bit until I'm sure if I want to leave my life permanently or not. I can't just stay here and wait for Logan and Storm to find me.

Most of all the classifieds in the newspaper said you needed experience, which I don't have. And houses cost more money than I have.

"Hey," I said as the waitress walked by, "Is there a motel nearby?"

"Yes, just down the road a little."

I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing and I hate myself. I feel like I'm betraying everyone I know, and maybe I am. Maybe I should just turn around. I wish someone would come save me from this nightmare. Tell me that it's going to be okay, and help me; not pity me. I want someone who understands, and yes I know... Logan, Bobby, Storm.. they understand what its like to be a mutant, because they are one. They just don't know what I'm going through.

It's crazy! Even when I did have my powers, before the cure, I didn't get like this. I'm not saying I never got upset or anything. Once I met Logan though, I never thought of running away. We were both different, and then I met a lot of people who are different. I was safe. What happened to me? Maybe I'm not running away from my powers, but from Bobby and Logan.

I finished drinking my coffee and left the diner leaving the waitress a two dollar tip. I followed the directions she gave me over to the motel. I checked in and got my key. I walked over to my room, and started to unlock the door. "Didn't get very far." I heard a voice from behind me.

I spun around and sighed, "What are you doing here? Don't you get it? I'm never coming back."

Logan shook his head, "Then don't come back. But Marie, maybe having your powers back isn't a bad thing. Look how much we've helped the world because of these powers!"

"And look how much wrong has happened because of them! We wouldn't have to help save the world if people didn't have these kinds of powers in the first place!"

"You got a point there."

"But?"

"But I don't think you should let that stop you. Marie, you did just fine with your powers before. Bobby isn't upset that they're back, if that's what you're worried about."

"Who cares what Bobby is upset about?! This isn't even about him, it's about me!"

"Okay," Logan said, "Lets talk about you."

"I don't want to talk."

"When you left, you said you loved me."

I had completely forgot about that. "So? You're my friend." I said trying to defend myself.

"I know. What I'm trying to say is.. don't you talk to the people you love? Let them help you?"

I shook my head, "No... you hide from them... because if they really knew how you feel... they wouldn't love you anymore."

"Are you crying?" Logan reached to wipe my tears.

"No," I shook my head, "don't touch me."

When I left, I told him I loved him because I wanted Logan to know that I _love_ him. Not as a friend, but as something more. "I can't go back, Logan."

"Damn it. You're being childish!" Logan rolled his eyes, "You got your powers back, big deal! But you're leaving the people who love you! Do you know how selfish that is?"

"Selfish!" I shouted. How dare he call _me_ selfish? No longer was I simply sad and alone. I was angry. For a second I even though of touching Logan....

"Yes, you are being selfish... and that's not like you, Marie."

"I could've killed Bobby..." I sighed, "Do you have any idea what that is like?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. I killed Jean. I _killed _her."

"...I'm sorry, Logan. I wasn't thinking...."

"No you weren't. You're too busy thinking about yourself."


	5. Chapter 5

Beta read by Kimmae!

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**Chapter Five**

_Wrong Way_

I looked at my chest, but I didn't see a knife resting there. I felt like someone had just stabbed my heart, though. That word, I hate it. I really hate it. Can it truly apply to me? Am I really that selfish? I spent my whole life, with the exception of when I got the cure, not being able to touch people. Did you hear me complain? No. At least not often. I accepted I was different. That's not something everyone can do, by the way. I'm going through something Logan doesn't understand, so I guess that makes me selfish.

"Okay. Is that what you want me to say? I'm selfish. There. You're right. I'm wrong. I shouldn't be upset about getting my powers back. It's no big. None of my problems... none of my problem are anything compared to yours."

"That's not what I said...."

"Oh, really? You've been through worse. My problems are nothing compared to yours. Isn't that what you meant? So, I just need to suck it on up. And you know what—"

"Shut up!" Logan shouted and gave me a look that could kill. I could feel my heart sinking even more. "Stop with the whole damn drama queen act. I know you're stronger than this Marie. And I'm not sorry for calling you selfish. I know there's something more to this... it has to do with me, doesn't it?"

"What?"

Does he know? Did he figure it out? Gosh, I hope not. I'm already suffering enough as is.

"You got mad at me, remember? When I started asking you questions. When I asked you what's wrong, you said I was the problem. If there's something I did to you, Marie, just tell me. I'll fix it, whatever it is."

"Logan, its not you. It's me...." The cliché break-up line fell right out of my mouth. Of course, I wasn't breaking up with Logan; we aren't even together. "I'm going through something right now that I don't understand."

"Does it have to do with Bobby?"

"No, damn it! ...If I tell you what's bothering me, promise you wont ask anymore questions."

"Promise." I could see Logan cool down a bit, and his kind understanding eyes return.

"I think I'm in love with another guy."

"So it does have something to do with Bobby!" Logan exclaimed; almost proud of himself. He must've been thinking it did have to do with Bobby and I. "So, who is it?"

Promise broken. I laughed at the irony of this all. Then I looked up to Logan – the one who was here trying his best to pick up the pieces. "You really wanna know?" I asked, my voice crackling from sadness.

The tears began to fall again. He didn't answer though, but I decided I'd just say it. I have to face my fears and stop being selfish, right? "...It's you...."

I put my head down in shame, and I knew he was just starring at me. He was probably expecting me to say "just kidding" or something, but I wasn't joking. I really do care about Logan... I felt like he suddenly developed x-ray vision as a power and was starring at me trying to look straight into my soul and figure this mess out.

"Be serious, now." I heard him say something finally. "Don't make up some cheap excuse. Tell me who it really is."

This was my chance. I could take back what I had just said. I could just fake a smile and tell him its someone else. Then I wouldn't have to keep my head down in shame. I wouldn't have to risk losing Logan as a friend. "Is it selfish if I were to lie, just so you wont be mad at me?"

"Well, yes, it would be rather selfish. So, who is it? Someone I don't like?"

"I don't want to be selfish. I'm sorry for running away." I put my head back up, trying to ignore the weight of shame I was carrying.

"Who is it? I promise, I wont be mad at you, even if the guy is a total creep."

"I already told you who it is...."

Another awkward silence came into place. I could feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks.

"Let's get back. I'm sure Storm is worried about you... and I bet Bobby's already cried himself a river. Scratch that, he's probably already cried himself a damn ocean. I swear, that boy can be such a pussy. But, he loves you, Marie. Remember that."

Did someone just hit the rewind button? "Did you not hear me?" I asked.

He nodded his head, "Let's go."


	6. Chapter 6

Lyrics used are by Alexz Johnson, who is amazing. Chapter beta'd by Kimmae, who is also amazing!

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**The Breakdown**

_"Tell me that the lines aren't what they seem"_

It's scary telling someone how you feel, and usually the second you do, you regret it. You know the words that are coming your way and you don't want to hear them. Honestly, I was expecting a huge lecture from Logan, and in a way I was hoping for it. Maybe he could talk some sense into my heart. I mean, usually Logan does give me lectures when I do something he isn't exactly happy about. But this time, there was only a warning. _Bobby loves you. _Oh, how true that is! ...But what if I don't love Bobby like he loves me? What if I love someone else—even more?

"I'll always love you, Marie. Powers or not."

I looked up at his shimmering blue eyes, "Thanks, Bobby. I know. I just got a little upset...It was a big shock, I guess."

"This isn't good, though." Storm was pacing the floor, "Before you know it, we'll be fighting to save the world again."

"Nothing seems to be going down at the moment," Logan walked over to Storm, "maybe not everyone is getting their powers back."

"Either way, we had better be prepared."

"Aren't we always?" He rolled his eyes, and then looked over at me and Bobby.

He had this weird look in his eyes and it felt like he was looking right through me; I was naked and exposed to those eyes. He cocked his head and pursed his lips together. I just stared at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. _...What am I going to do about her?_ I think we both know he can't keep avoiding the subject. He's going to have to face it, face me eventually.

Bobby gripped tightly onto my hand, covered in gloves, trying to comfort me but it only made things worse. I felt like I was cheating on him, even though I haven't done a thing. _But in my heart, I have._

"We'll be okay," Bobby smiled, "Even if all who got the cure get their powers back."

"I know."

Bobby just gave me a disappointed look. I wasn't interested in the rest of the world and what was going to happen to it. Right now, I was interested in Logan. I needed him to say something... anything.

"Are you okay?" Bobby said, looking deeply into my eyes. I know I should be thankful that I have him. Most guys wouldn't go for a girl they literally couldn't touch. I should be happy, but I'm not.

"Bobby, we need to break up."

The room fell silent. Logan and Storm stopped talking about what might happen and looked over to us. Logan's eyes were wide and he seemed to be both amused and sad. Storm was just confused.

"Excuse me?" Bobby managed to choke out.

Tears were starting to form in his eyes and my heart started to ache with guilt. It's not right, though. At least not for now. I can't be with Bobby if all I truly want is Logan.

"Do you mind?" I said, looking up at Logan and Storm. I felt like I was on Broadway and they were the audience just waiting to know what happens next. _What does happen next? _I know I should've waited to tell Bobby how I feel about us dating right now, but it just slipped out. Sometimes my heart speaks before my mind gets the chance to argue with it.

"Oh, excuse me." Logan said, preparing his witty remark, "I didn't know this was a _private_ conversation."

"Logan, I need you to help me with something... far away from here," Storm smiled casually as she grabbed Logan's arm and started pulling him.

He flung his arm into the air, "I can walk myself."

"You sure about that? I think you need to realize..." and that was the last I heard Storm say to Logan. Now it was just me and Bobby... alone.

"If this is because of your powers—" Bobby began.

"I just need some time to adjust," I lied.

"I can help you!"

"As a friend. At least until I figure things out, okay?"

"Marie, I love you."

"And I love you too... but there's so much going on and I just need a break... besides, lets face it, Bobby... how long can a boy go without the touch of a girl?"

Bobby didn't say anything this time. I was right, he knew I was right. We've gone over this many times before, but now, I've got to accept reality. He's getting older and the cure has faded. All we have is love... I think.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter beta'd by Kimmae

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**DISPLACED**

"_It's just a simple line. I can still hear it all of the time. If I can just hold on tonight… I know that nothing, nothing survives. I think I'm turned around. I'm looking up not looking down." - Azure Ray_

I felt the little girl in me start slipping away. I know I'm a young woman, but you'd be lying if you said you 'grew up' at a certain age. I've matured in many ways over the years, but there are pieces of me that were still very young. I think the love I had for Bobby was one of those pieces. My love for him was the love of a teenager. Perhaps, for some people that can grow and become a real love. I just don't see it happening with me and Bobby. There are many reasons for that, but the main one is… I feel so much more for Logan than I ever will feel for Bobby.

It's been two whole days since I've talked to Bobby. I had called him out and told him that no matter what, our relationship wouldn't have lasted. He had needs. Needs I can't provide with my powers back. He left the room that night crying. It made me sick to my stomach to know I had caused those tears.

I haven't spoken to Logan since the incident, either. I guess I've been rather quiet and distant with _everyone._ People I didn't even know were giving me hurtful stares and whispering as I walked by. I had broken sweet, little Bobby's heart. No one was going to forgive me for that. _No one would understand._

"_Can you believe her? She had the perfect guy and what does she do? Throw him away! Ugh. I swear. That's why none of us __**good**_ _girls can get a guy. These bitches take them, use them, and throw them away."_

"_Shh! She's coming over."_

"_What a skank! Doesn't what Bobby now that she can't have sex with him?"_

It was endless, the remarks they were saying about me. They don't even know me, yet they acted like they've been my friends for years, like they know who I am and why I do things, how I feel. They have no idea… why can't they just mind their own business? I wonder how Bobby is taking this. Are all the girls smothering him with attention and pity?

"I'd like to see that sometime!" I heard a voice that wasn't speaking in a whisper.

My eyes wandered until I found who it was. I saw Kitty and Bobby sitting together on a bench, her hand on his shoulder. My stomach did a flip and my blood started to burn in my veins. Seeing her touch him and flirt with him gave me mixed feelings of jealousy and betrayal. How could he be moving on so fast? Didn't he love me?

"Hey there" Kitty offered a sad, smympathetic smile, and stood up to greet me. "I heard about your powers… I'm really, sorry."

I looked over at Bobby, expecting him to say something. I don't know what, but something.

A few seconds later, he managed to say, "Oh, hi."

This only made things worse. "Hi," I frowned.

"Listen," Kitty's voice became another whisper, "If you want to talk… I mean, I know I'm not your friend or anything… but I'm here."

_Friend._ Do I even have a friend anymore? Is Storm my friend? Will Logan still talk to me? One thing is for sure, I do not consider Kitty a friend. "Thanks," I forced a smile, "I'll keep that in mind."

Kitty smiled hard and nodded her head, "Okay!" She seemed to think I was going to come to her, going to talk to her, going to bear my soul to her. She looked eager, but quickly composed herself and sat back down next to Bobby.

"Have you seen Logan?" I asked Bobby. It felt weird asking him that.

"Yeah. I just saw him walk by," Bobby said coldly, while pointing to the left.

I nodded at him for a second, and then turned away. I started off in a little jog, but soon I started running. "Hey watch it!" someone shouted as I accidentally ran into them. I continued running though and shouted a quick sorry as I did. I soon saw Logan and Storm standing next to each other. They appeared to be in somewhat of a fight. I slowed down my pace and started walking over to Logan.

"Good morning, Marie!" Storm smiled brightly.

Logan had his head down and didn't even bother to greet me.

"Hi," I smiled back at Storm. "I was hoping to talk to Logan. Are you two busy with something?"

Storm sighed deeply. She was obviously still frustrated about whatever she was fighting him over. "No, he's all yours" And with that, Storm marched off into the halls. I watched as her figure slowly disappeared.

"You're not one to avoid problems," I said.

His head perked up and he looked at me. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Dump Bobby! Marie, he is a great guy! He really loves you. Not all of us are lucky to find something like that."

I could feel my eyes start to burn. Tears were threatening to break loose, but I was not going to cry. I was not going to break down. No. No, I'm not going to.

"_You know why._ Will you stop playing dumb, please? I hate this! I hate you acting like nothing ever happened! I want you to say something. I'd even be happy if you just yelled at me, so I can know where I stand with you."

"Fine," he straightened up, "I think what you did was pathetic and poorly thought out. I understand you're confused right now. I don't know how I'd react if I were you. Having such a terrible power… and then… getting used to being normal. It must be hard! That's no excuse for running away _from Bobby_ and trying to throw your problems on me. I will help you however I can, but… I can't be _that kind_ of shoulder you lean on."

I bit my lip hard in order to keep the tears from falling. I could taste the blood as it ran out from my lip and onto my tongue. It was warm and bitter. I started focusing hard on the pain I was causing myself. Not the emotional pain, but the physical pain. For a moment as I bit harder and felt myself bleed; I forgot. I forgot this whole mess. In fact, I almost forgot Logan was right here in front of me.

"You okay?" Logan waved his hand in front me.

Suddenly, I started thinking about when I told him that I loved him. I shouldn't have. Then I recalled something he said that day… _"I__f there's something I did to you, Marie, just tell me. I'll fix it, whatever it is__."_

"Would you please fix it?" I choked.

"Fix what?"

_My heart, _I thought. "N… nothing. Never mind."

"You're powers?" Logan asked, "Is that what you're asking me to fix?"

Involuntarily, a sob broke out. "No…."

"Marie!" Logan pleaded, "Please… let me help you."

"I don't think you can."

I turned around from Logan and walked away. He called out for me to come back, but I ignored him. I dug my teeth into my lips again. I wanted to forget again and just feel the pain. It was nice to forget… even if it was painful. _I'll fix it._ I could hear Logan's voice saying. Oh, what have I done? I started running. I ran right pass Kitty and Bobby who were still in the same bench.

When I made it out of the crowd and into the empty halls, I saw Storm. I slowed down immediately. "Why are you running?" she asked.

"Um…"

"It wouldn't have to do with that talk you had with Logan, would it?"

I sighed, "Actually, it does."

"Marie, I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at him. I saw how much you missed him, while he was gone. I know there's a strong connection between you two."

I didn't say anything. I just stared waiting for advice. I remembered the conversation her and I had before Logan came back. She knew I cared about him.

"Did you tell him?" Storm asked, "Is that why you broke up with Bobby?"

"I broke up with Bobby, because… even though I love him… we… well, you know." I sighed.

I wasn't exactly sure why myself. I know some of the reasons. Logan of course was one. And now that I had my powers back I had to face reality. Bobby needed more than me. Maybe Kitty isn't that bad for him. "And… I guess I kind of… told him.", I continued, answered her question about Logan.

Storm nodded, "Keep in mind, Marie, Logan is much older than you. He cares for you very deeply, but I'm not sure if… well, if he _loves_ you. Either way, Marie, he is still in love with—" she stopped. Obviously her name was much too hard to say. I could see the pain in her eyes.

I started crying again. "What was I thinking? What is wrong with me? I guess I've just been so depressed… and Logan, well he was there since the beginning. And… and… I just fell. I need someone to fall into. And... oh, how stupid am I?"

_I told Bobby that he couldn't go long without the touch of a woman - what about Logan__?__ It would still be the same situation. _"I feel like everything's falling apart. And I'm… I am…."

"Displaced?" Storm offered, giving me sad eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

beta'd by Kimmae!

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**Displaced**: **Part Two**

"_Am I making something worthwhile out of this place? Am I making something worthwhile out of this chase? I'm displaced…." - Azure Ray_

Storm did her best to comfort me, and surprisingly her best was enough! I thought there were no words in the English language that would comfort me. "Only you can make yourself happy, Marie. You may be tempted to find happiness in someone or something else. _'I'll only be happy if..'_ wont get you anywhere," Storm had said, "but what you can do is this: find yourself and the light that resides in your soul. Find true happiness within yourself. Don't let anybody take that happiness away and run with it."

I spent the whole night thinking about what she had said and trying to search for this so-called light. I was never much for meditation, but that night I sat down on my bed, with the lights off in my room. I had my eyes closed and I was breathing as smoothly and calmly as possible. I took notice to every muscle and part in my body. My muscles were tense, so I tried to relax them. The more relaxed I got, the more I noticed the stinging pain burning from within my lips. I had bit them so hard….

As I was meditating, I cleared my mind of all the bad. I began thinking of who I am. I am a young woman, a hero, a fighter. I am lonely. I am weak. As I sorted out who I am and how I feel, I came to Logan and Bobby. Sadness made its why back into my heart, interrupting my meditation. It was then I realized what this meant—Logan and Bobby make me sad They don't make me happy, and they wont. I need to get away from them. I need to really run away, and do it properly this time.

It was going to be hard to run away without anyone finding out. When morning came and all the responsibilities with it, I told people I was sick, too sick to do anything. Storm wanted to take a look at me, but I insisted it was just a cold. I sat wrapped in a scarf and blanket, claiming to have the chills. I pretended to cough and said my throat hurt terribly. I even made myself puke, just so it would look authentic. As I played hookie from life, I pulled out a small, black leather notebook. Inside I wrote down ideas of how to escape my current residence, how to hide… how to really hide.

_Find someone to cover for me until I'm long gone; Say I have some personal business to take care of, and I'll be gone for a week. _

Then it occurred to me, I wont leave at all. At least, they wont notice I have. I'm already on the right trail, pretending to be sick. I opened up the computer in my room and opened voice activated program. Anytime a voice was loud enough to be captured by the computer, it would respond with a recording. For example, I could record myself saying: "not right now, I'm sick," or: "It's getting better, but I still have a headache. Don't come in though, I don't want to get you sick too." This would probably buy me a few days until someone decided to break in (I would have my door locked). By then though, I could be out of the state. Where would I go, though?

I focused my attention on the computer once more and searched "small towns". Many interesting places showed up, but the best one, the one town where I thought I could fit in, was called Rose Village. It was next to a small lake, and the town was pretty basic itself. I could get a house on the outskirts of the town… only go out to go shopping… and I can buy in bulk, so I wont be out too much. Also, to ensure no one finds me, I can give myself a makeover.

It's perfect. Flawless. No one will find me now.

The rest of the day I got to programming the voice activated program. I packed my clothes and anything else I might need. I said my unheard goodbyes, and at 2 a.m. I would leave.

I started walking to the train station where I scheduled a ride from Westchester, New York to Rose Village, Oregon. I was going to have to switch trains and hop onto a bus and then back to a train about a million times, but I should be there in about a day and a half. Before I headed to the train station I stopped into a hair salon.

"I'd like my hair cut," I had said to the tall blonde woman.

She nodded at me and asked how short. I pointed to my shoulders. She began cutting away at my hair. It was odd, and a big change, but I still wasn't satisfied. After she finished I asked her to put some streaks in my hair. "Would you like me to cover up the white one?" she had asked. It took me a while, but I knew I had to say yes. I told her I wanted light brown streaks put in my hair.

Forty minutes later, that was that. I wore a short hair cut with light brown streaks. It was cute and different, and symbolic to my new life. From now on I was _me. _A very happy me! I just hope this all works out, and that maybe I can keep on this path of looking up, seeing the cup half full. And maybe, one day, I'll be able to return to Xaiver's School for Gifted Youngsters. Until then, they won't ever find me.


	9. Chapter 9

Lyrics used by Taylor Swift. Chapter Beta'd by Kimmae!

**C****ome In With the Rain**

"_I'll leave my window open, cause I'm too tired at night to call your name. Just know I'm right here hopin', that you'll come in with the rain"_

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_He could hear the rain pouring on against the windows, the ceiling, the_

_ building—everything. It was like the sky recognized something was missing, and it had to cry out. He looked for her everyday, even though he knew she was gone. He searched the town, asking everyone if they knew anything, and after a while, he realized she didn't want to be found. Marie was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. He could search the world and never find her. _

_He wasn't afraid of the dark, but he still kept a small lamp on every night. And, every night, even during this rain storm, he left his window open. He just wanted her to know that it was there for her, even if she couldn't see it. Every night he kept hoping that maybe she would climb through the open window. _

**

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**

"_I've got you down. I know you by heart, and you don't even know where I start."_

I love this place; it's free of all the sadness and gloom that has been following me for years. I grabbed myself a cup of tea. So far, I've been gone for a week. Logan is probably angry with me, wondering where I went. He's probably searched everywhere for me. Bobby has probably done the same; in fact he's probably determined to explore the world just to find me.

Never mind all that, though. I need to get my mind off all these things. I took a sip of my tea and turned on my small TV.

Things are cozy in here. I have a small, green sofa with some throw pillows and a nice warm blanket. It's where I sleep. I fall asleep watching old TV shows, and I imagine myself living inside them. Everything is so happy and perfect there, and no one runs way because nothing bad ever happens.

I realize now that I must get a job; all my money has already been spent on a down payment for this small house and food for the week. I grab the paper I picked up at the local liquor store, and flip through it until I find the classifieds. I don't want a job in a big place, because I don't want people to notice me. I see an ad for a house cleaner and babysitter. They don't list any requirements, so I assume I don't need a special license. I pick up the "pay as you go" cell phone I bought a week ago and start dialing the number. It's 10 a.m., so I assume it's not too early or too late.

"Hello, Foster residence." A woman's voice answered the phone.

"Uhm, hello. I'm calling about the ad you placed in the paper for a babysitter and house cleaner…" I paused; I wasn't sure what to say.

"Oh, hi! What's your name? Have you had any experience in this field of work before?"

"My name is…" I thought for a moment, but it didn't occur to me that I should think of a different name, "Raven. And no, I don't have much experience, but I am willing to work and will do whatever is required of me to do."

"That's a good attitude. Well, how about you come by my house for an interview? I'll tell you about the kids and what will be expected if you get the job, and you can tell me more about yourself. I have a meeting today, but I'm free this evening. How does five sound to you?"

"Sounds good," I say and smile at the phone. I'm really relieved this is going so well, and I really hope I get the job.

After saying goodbye, I hang up the phone. As I look around my house I suddenly realize how empty it is. Sure, it's got a nice homey feel to it, but it needs more color. More me. Hopefully when I get my first pay check, be it from babysitting or something else, I can buy myself more furniture.

I decide to turn off the TV, finish up my tea and go for a jog. I'm not usually one for exercising, but I need something to keep my head clear. I've been jogging ever since I got here; next to the house there is this beautiful trail that leads to the lake. I love it.

So I put on some comfortable clothes and grab a bottle of water and walk out of the house. Outside it's beautiful; this place is overflowing with rose bushes and various plants. I take in the scene and inhale the scents as I walk my way to the trail head. It's about five minutes away from the house, but it takes about thirty minutes to reach the lake.

Sometimes it seems as though I may never stop running away.

As I left, I thought to myself, "I might go back someday."

But ever since I got here, all I've want to do is run.


	10. Chapter 10

Lyrics used by Alexz Johnson. Chapter Beta'd by Kimmae

**Let Me Fall**

"_I wanna lose control. I'm not afraid to lose it all...__ '__Cause I will get up again if you let me fall" _

_

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_

I'm at the Foster's residence right now awaiting my job interview. I was let in by a middle-aged woman who had bright blond hair and cherry colored lips. Ms. Foster doesn't have a husband, but she has three children. The oldest is ten and the youngest is three. I'm kind of worried about watching the smallest; what if something happens?

I push away my worries for now. Ms. Foster comes back into the living room (where I'm sitting on a cream colored sofa) and hands me a cup of tea. She asks me more questions and I do my best to answer them. She gives me a happy look and I think we're finished. "You'd be expected to work all weekdays." She begins to list my job description, "Make sure the kids clean their own rooms, except for the little one, that is. I expect the house to be spotless, laundry done, everything dusted, and the children fed. It would also be a great help if you could help the children with the homework."

I assume this means I have the job. I smile, "Of course I could help them."

"Kids! Come here!" Ms. Foster calls.

I see three shadows running up to us. As they get closer, I can make out their details. There's a tall girl with green eyes and black hair. She looks nothing like her mother. Then there's a boy with blond hair and baby blue eyes. He's a little shorter than the black-haired girl. After him, a toddler comes stumbling in. She is in such a hurry to reach her mother that she trips over and falls. Before she even lets out a cry, I jump up to help her. "No, its okay." Ms. Foster days. "She can get up on her own."

At first I thought this was harsh, but once I saw the little girl was okay, I calmed down a bit.

"She's always falling. I can't always be there to pick her up," her mother said, "she needs to learn to get up on her own, or else she'll always be crying for help."

I nod. Her words were so simple, but they held a different meaning for me. I began to think of how everyone wants to protect me. If they'd only back off and let me make a mistake every now and then, they'd realize I can handle it. _I can handle loving you. I can handle getting my heart broken. I can handle it. _

"Anyway," Mrs. Foster speaks again, "That over there is Lisa." she pointed to the eldest. "That's Jamie," she pointed to the boy. "And this clumsy little thing is Angel."

"Nice to meet you!" I smile at the kids.

They just give me a blank stare until their mother begins to explain who I am. "Guys, this is your new babysitter, Raven."

"Is that really your name?" Lisa asks.

I feel a little nervous now. "Yes," I say.

"Wicked!" Lisa exclaims, "I wish I had a name like that. Lisa is so dull!"

"Hey!" Mrs. Foster says, "I gave you that name!"

The mother and daughter exchange a few more words and then the kids, except for Angel, leave the room. "They can be a handful, but they are very well behaved. So what do you say? You want to start next week?"

"Uh, yeah, of course!"

That night, I took out a piece of paper and began to write a letter to Logan. I know I won't send it. I don't want to risk getting found now. I had things I wanted to tell him, though. I think I needed to release these things before I could happily live in my life.

_Logan,_

_It feels like its been years since I last saw your face. I know that's not something you want to hear. I know you don't want to think of me caring about you so deeply. I don't know if it sickens you or if it scares you, but I know you don't like it. I'm sorry. I wish I could stop__.__ Well, sometimes I wish I could stop. Like now. I want to forget you, so I can be happy. It's hard. Because at the same time, I want to run back home and kiss you. If only you'd kiss me back..._

_I got a job today. I'm a babysitter now. I met a sweet little girl Angel. She has little curly, blond locks of hair and baby blue eyes. She's three years old. I watched her fall down, and I went to go help her up. Her mother stopped me. She told me to let her get back up on her own. Logan, why don't you let me fall? _


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the reviews! This chapter was beta read LoganLuver101 (thank you!!!) Anywhos, enjoy!

**edit: beta'd by Kimmae as well, thanks!**

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"_You will never be strong enough. You will never be good enough...  
They'll never see. I'll never be." --- Evanescence _

**Lies**

I've been told we are our own worst critics. We think the worst of ourselves and assume that's what other people think of us. I tell myself a lot of negative things, as I'm sure everyone does. Oh, sure, there are some overly happy optimists out there, but the majority? We, especially girls, tend to look in the mirror and hate what we see.

Right now I am staring at my reflection. I'm still adjusting to my new undercover look. It's amazing what a little hair dye and scissors can do. I see my eyes, but they look more lost than ever. I look ten years older since I left. I feel older, too, but at the same time, I feel extremely immature. All I'm doing is running away from my problems. Suddenly, I hear Logan's voice inside my head. He's giving me a lecture. He's yelling, he's saying things that hurt my soul.

'You are so childish, Marie,' he says. He screams. My ears are burning and so are my eyes. Then, he starts talking about my feelings for him. 'What made you think I'd like you like that? Huh? Because I was nice to you? Because I was there for you?' All these insecurities of mine kept pouring themselves out in Logan's voice.

I wanted to pull my skin apart, shed it like a snake. This disguise was not enough to hide myself from me. I wanted to slip into someone else's body. I wish instead of having a deadly touch, I could transform into someone else. I'm so tired of being me.

I thought I had escaped all of this when I came here. I guess in a way, I have. I'm living a different life. I'm watching and teaching beautiful children. I feel happy when I'm around them and almost feel young again. They ask why I'm always wearing gloves. I tell them because my hands are always cold.

Yesterday, as I was watching the little kids play, I imagined what it would be like to have children. I doubt that's even possible, but I lost myself in a dream. I told myself I wouldn't think of Logan, but I imagined him and I being married and having little kids. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"If you're listening to this," I hear a voice say from the living room. I jump about two feet in the air and let out a scream. I know that voice. How is it here? What is going on? I run out to the living room to see Storm on the television screen. She has tears in her eyes and there's a picture of me in a split-screen beside her.

"Everyone misses you. And we really—" before Storm can continue, Logan finds his way to the cameras.

"Please, come home! You don't have to be afraid."

My heart stops and I melt. Don't be afraid? I feel like he can see me right now. I'm scared to death. I'm afraid he can find out where I am. Oh, but I know they have ways of doing that. They could find me... and they just might soon. But its not like I'm in danger, so why would they go through the trouble?

Part of me is happy they care enough to look for me. Part of me wants to go back. I lock that part away though, and turn off the TV.

I get ready for work. I hope nobody recognizes me. No, no, they can't. I saw that person in the mirror staring back at me. She looks nothing like the girl's picture on TV. Nothing at all.

At the Foster's house I begin cleaning and looking after the baby, Angel. Thirty minutes into my day there, I notice Lisa, the eldest, is crying. Her tears make me remember the tears I saw in Storm's eyes. I feel guilt weigh on me. 'See what you've caused.' that voice says again, 'look what you've done. All you do is cause pain.'

"What's wrong, Lisa?" I ask.

"My boyfriend broke up with me." She chokes.

"I'm sorry. Boys...they really know how to break your heart."

"Ya think? I mean we've been dating for two weeks and he decides to kiss my best friend. And they both have the nerve to act like its no big deal. I feel like such a fool!"

"It could be worse." I sigh, and think of my current situation. You could have the most amazing boyfriend possible, but not love him. Not in the way you should love him. You could be in love with a man, who if anything, is more like a father figure to you than a potential could be me, a mutant, not able to touch the one you love; even if it is just for a hug.

These thoughts flied through my mind like a swarm of bees. Each thought was giving me a painful sting as a reminder of who I am. At times I feel like Logan must care about me. Something in his eyes suggests it. I think that he's afraid to let me in. Then I feel ashamed and foolish for even thinking that. I tell myself it's a lie, Logan doesn't care. There is nothing suggestive in his eyes, his moves, or his words. It's just my heart trying to satisfy me. It's just my heart lying to me.


	12. Chapter 12

_Oh, man, guys! I am so sorry. I had really thought I posted this! Anyway, please forgive me? ( Thankyou, LoganLuver for beta reading & giving great advice). Oh, and the lyrics below are by Taylor Swift. __**&& thanks to Kimmae for beta reading :) You rock! **_

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"_You're tied together with a smile, but you're comin' undone."_

**Tied Together With A Smile**

"Who are you?" I ask my reflection. I've grown attached to the mirror and not in a good way. I use it like a knife to my heart, mutilating my body. My soul is completely scarred. I say cruel things to this reflection of mine and hear Logan's voice again and again. He's always yelling at me, 'I never thought you were this stupid, Marie. Your stupidity amazes me. You foolish child!'. Then he goes on to tell me that he could never love someone like me. I'm just a dumb course, I know Logan would never say those things to me, but I can't help but wonder if he thinks them.

Oddly, all of this somehow makes me feel better. It's a trick, an illusion, a device to convince myself that I belong here. My heart is whispering the opposite, though. _Marie, don't put Storm through this. Bobby is probably so sad. Logan... well, he probably feels guilty._

"Shut up," I tell my heart. "You have no idea what you're talking about!" Hearts can be so stupid. Logic is my only friend. I turn over to my reflection and begin swearing.

I probably seem like a crazy person right now, and well, maybe I am. Although we all insult ourselves, I think I've crossed the line. This has become a hobby, an outlet, a twisted form of therapy! Yes, yes, I must be crazy.

Crazy or not, I must paint on a smile and get ready to go over to the Foster's. I shake my head at my reflection and walk out of the bathroom. I gather some things I'll need and head out the door.

The day passes just like usual. I'm happy for awhile, or rather forgetful, as I watch after the children. My worries fly away and I'm filled with an odd sense of joy. I play with dolls, trucks, and puzzles. I wish I _could_ live here. I wish I could keep myself so distracted for the rest of my life. The bad thing about having fun and being happy is it makes time fly by so much faster. Ironic, isn't it? If you're happy, time goes by so fast, but when you're sad, it goes by much too slow. Just a few minutes can seem like a year.

Lisa walks up to me. She hasn't spoke to me much today. "How are you feeling?" I ask.

"I like this new guy." She smiles. "I can hardly concentrate anymore. School seems so insignificant...."

"That's not true! You need school," I say quickly.

"I know, I know." She moans.

"So, who is he?" I ask with fake interest. I want to care. Mind you, I care about Lisa in a sisterly way, sort of. I just can't make myself care with all that I'm dealing with right now. Now _that _seems insignificant.

"Well," she sighs, "his name is Jackson, and he's four years older than me...."

"That's not too bad," I say before I realize it. Before the subject can take a turn for the worse, I quickly add, "when you're older. But right now you're so young and it really depends on each person's maturity level. He may want things from you that you're not ready to give or don't even understand."

"If you're talking about sex, I know that Jackson would never pressure me."

I thought about Bobby and how sweet he was with me when it came to that subject. There weren't many men like Bobby in the world though. "Just be careful," I say thoughtfully, "and make sure you don't do anything your mother wouldn't approve of."

Lisa laughs, "If I did that, I wouldn't have a life at all."

"Oh, I'm sure your mother isn't that bad."

"I know. But breaking the rules is fun sometimes."

"But it's also dangerous."

"Are you telling me you never broke any rules?"

"We all make mistakes."

"See! Life's no fun if you play it safe." I cringe at her words. "You gotta take risks, Raven. You gotta love and not be afraid."

"I wish I were like you," I say, "but I'm not, Lisa. What would you tell me if I said I was running away because I love someone who doesn't love me? That I'm afraid of what people think? I don't want people smothering me with attention because of the changes in my life. What if I said I'm cursed, and there's no way for me to _love_ someone?"

Lisa takes a deep breath, and words pour out of her mouth. "I'd say you're stupid. And more importantly, you're lonely and sad. Is that really any way to live? If there's a guy in this world who doesn't want you, despite this so called 'curse' you think you have, then he really isn't worth running away from. We don't _pick_ who we love, Raven. But, we do choose how we handle our emotions. That's what counts. That's what makes you who you are. I don't think you're a coward, Rae, but I do think you're foolish. No matter how messed up the situation is, you have to follow your heart. Never _ever_ tell your heart no."

I have tears in my eyes now and so does Lisa. But she's not done talking yet; she opens her mouth again. "No matter how much you smile and lie to yourself," she says, "it won't save you from the pain. If you keep hiding, you'll get lost, and no one will ever find you."

Isn't that what I wanted, though? No one to find me?


	13. Chapter 13

_I have an idea for this website. They should like have a pro__g__ram that notifies you when you don't update as planned. Like, maybe you could set a time-frame of when you wish to update a certain story. And it could have a typed message from yourself saying, "(Insert Name), what the __**** __is wrong with you? I know you're just staring that screen complaining how bored you are and forgetting that you have a fanfic chapter waiting to be uploaded. You better get your on here and update, or else". Ah, so yeah, I'm really sorry for not updating. I had this chapter just lying there, beta read, and ready to go, but did I upload it? No, because I seem to be lacking a brain. Disclaimer: Song below is by the amazing Hilary Duff -- not mine._

_Anyway, LoganLuvr, in response to your review -- I do think you give amazing advice and I am very grateful for it :) __**&& thanks to Kimmae!**_

* * *

"_See the funny thing is, you're just as lonely as me. We could be so much better, if you would just let me in."_

**Outside Of You**

"So, what are you going to do now?" Lisa asks me.

It had been exactly twenty minutes since our little conversation, and the tears were now dry. Obviously, Lisa deciphered my super secret _"__If I..__.__"_ code, discovering the truth of it. Of course, she didn't know what this curse was. She probably thought it was a personality flaw. Or maybe that I think I'm ugly. If she only knew that it was a deadly touch.

"I don't know." I sigh. It scares me how open I'm being with this child; however, sometimes it seems like she's closer to my age.

"My vote says you should go back. Who is this guy, anyway? How old is he? Is he cute? What's he like?"

"Well..." I struggled for the answer. These are such simple questions, so why are they so hard to answer? "He's older than me."

"And?"

"And I guess you could say he's cute."

Of course I don't consider Logan to be 'cute' exactly. That's a label that fits Bobby more than anything. I think 'sexy' is a better label for Logan. I continue explaining him. "He's really nice. He's one of the few people I can turn to. He gets me."

"So why the _hell_ are you running away from him?"

This was one question I couldn't answer. I fear I have already gone too far into my life with Lisa. It's not that I'm worried she'll figure out I'm a mutant. It's just not right for a babysitter to tell someone so young about these things. This is something I should talk about with a girl friend who is my age. I don't have any of those, though.

"It's a long story, and your mom should be home soon." I excuse myself from the conversation.

Lisa looks at me eagerly and confused as I get up and start tidying around the house. I pick up some of the baby's toys that are lying around.

"Are you seriously going to stop there?" Lisa demands.

I nod, "Your mom is going to be home in a few minutes."

"I don't care! Love is more important than anything, and—"

"Lisa," I nearly shout, "love isn't like it is in the movies and in the books. Things don't fit that way in real life. Love isn't that simple."

"You're wrong."

I've never heard Lisa's voice drop so low like that. It didn't sound like it even belonged to her.

"How so?"

"Love is simple, Rae," she says.

"Lisa, love is the most complex thing in the world."

"No. Humans are the most complex thing in the world; love is simple."

"Explain."

"Humans make love seem complex. They are selfish and always taking things too seriously. They let their mind speak for their heart. Some people believe you should go with logic and what your mind tells you, and that listening to your heart is a foolish thing. But these people, Raven, they always listened to their mind to start with. They've never given their heart a chance." Lisa takes a deep breath and continues, "By doing that, they make love corrupt. They complicate it."

I want to believe her. That it's just humans that mess up love; love is not the enemy. It was a beautiful thought, but I think I know better. There is no way love could ever be so simple. No way at all.

"I know you don't believe me," Lisa said, "and I don't blame you. I'm only a little girl, in your eyes, so what could I possibly know about love?"

I didn't say much to Lisa after that. Her mom came home, talked to me for a few minutes, and I left. I unlock the door to my cozy, secret home. A million thoughts are running through my head right now. Except this time, it's in my own voice. _How could you be so stupid to tell a little kid about your problems? What if she tells her mom you've been chatting her ear off about some old man you like? _Then there were more confusing thoughts, ones that I had no idea where they came from. _What if Logan could love you? What if he does? He's just as lonely as you are; he needs somebody to love. _

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I shout as I push the door open.

"I wasn't saying anything." I hear his voice, and I am sure I am hallucinating.

I see a shadow-figure standing in front me. It could be anyone; a burglar. Or it could simply be very vivid hallucinations. I somehow manage to push away the fear and turn on the hall light. I can't believe what I am seeing. "_How did you find me?_"

Or a better yet, I think to myself, _why_ did you find me?


	14. Chapter 14

_If I said sorry, I'm sure you'd become highly annoyed. I've been distracted, and terrible with updating. I feel bad for leaving you guys hanging! Anyway, thank you LoganLuvr for beta reading! && thanks to Kimmae!_

* * *

**There's Us**

"_...Not everything is supposed to come true. Some words are best unsaid. Some love is not really love at all. I keep everything I shared with you, and that's enough, there's us."_

When he doesn't answer, I am sure he is a hallucination. I was just thinking about him way too much, that's all. That conversation with Lisa really got to me. Logan's not here, he never will be. He won't save me and there's not way he could ever find me.

My hallucination, however, is getting much more complicated. In from the kitchen walks another face I know: Bobby. A flood of emotions are pouring off of me, and I can't decipher any of them. It's too much. Just like rain covering a window, everything has become blurry.

"I want to talk to her—alone," Bobby tells Logan in a voice I've never heard before. It's his voice, but it's different. It's broken, powerful, and full of passion; a lot like Logan's.

Logan raises his brow and opens his mouth to protest, but he must think better of it, because he nods. When he walks past me, I am hit with the realization that this is not a hallucination. I could hear him breathing, feel his breath as he walked pass me.

When Logan is outside, Bobby walks up to me. He cups my face in his gloved hands and begins crying. "I should have tried harder."

I haven't uttered a word since my question. Things are moving too fast for me to collect my thoughts. I wasn't aware of it until Bobby was holding me, but I was crying. I felt him lift his thumb and wipe away a few tears.

Bobby continues, "I should have been a better boyfriend. I should have fought for you. So many things..." he starts to choke up, "so many things I could have done to prevent this. Every night, since you've been gone, I think of all the things I should have done. Forgive me, please."

I can now decipher one emotion: guilt. And it's really heavy. So heavy that I am forced to find my voice. "If anyone needs forgiveness, it's me," I manage in a whisper.

"You didn't do anything." Bobby shakes his head and gives me those sad, blue eyes.

"Yes, I did."

"What could you have possibly done?"

"Why do you put me on a pedestal, Bobby? Whoever you think I am, I'm not her anymore. I didn't just break up with you because of my powers. That was only part of it."

There was fear in his eyes now, which made me feel even worse. I don't want to damage his heart. No, I can't hurt him... I can't lie, either. Maybe if I just set things straight, everything will work out. If worse comes to worse, I could always stay here.

"What is the other part?" He asks.

"I love somebody else."

All the color drains from his face, as he pulls back from me like I am a terrible disease. Perhaps that is what I am: a disease. After all, I can kill everything I touch. Maybe that's not as far as my powers go. Maybe I can destroy everything I love as well.

I take a deep breath and compose myself, realizing the situation I am in. They have found me. This is not a hallucination. Logan is right outside, probably thinking all those horrible things, and Bobby's heart is bleeding right before me.

"Who—who is it?" He asks.

"It doesn't matter. He—he doesn't care about me."

Suddenly, a terrible thought came to mind. If I know Logan at all, he is probably eavesdropping in on this conversation.

"Then he's stupid." Bobby spat.

I laughed sadly. "I don't think so."

"How could anyone not love you?"

"Wow. I didn't know I was so special. Are you saying everyone is in love with me? Even Kitty?" I'm trying to make him laugh, soften the pain a little.

He gives me a weak smile, "Well, I hope not."

"Kitty's a good girl, Bobby," I say, suddenly my once deepest fear isn't scary at all. "And she likes you."

"But, I don't—"

"But, you will. You will like her, and you will love her."

"Marie! Don't do this! Please, I came here to help you, not fight, not to be set up on a date with someone I don't care about. I want you back, even if you're not back with me, I want you home."

"I—I don't know if I'm really welcome there."

"What makes you say that? Who wouldn't want you back?"

"I can think of one person..." and knowing Logan was listening, I add, "he probably hates me."

"I'll kick his ass."

"Bobby, you're sweet, and maybe one day, if you're still available, we can work this out. Maybe we can fit together again, but right now, we can't."

"Are you coming back?"

"I don't think—"

Before I can finish my sentence the door opens and Logan is standing there. He has a fierce look in his eyes. "She _is_ coming back."


	15. Chapter 15

_Could it be, I updated before waiting a thousand years? The X-Men movies were on yesterday, so I got inspired, and guess what? I recorded them, so now I have all 3 to watch and inspire me. Yay! Anyway, I forgot to put this in the previous chapter. The lyrics in chapter fourteen is a song by Alexz Johnson (...and the Backstreet Boys, I guess, but I prefer Alexz.) Lyrics in this chapter are by Hanson. Thank you LoganLuvr for beta reading. && thanks to Kimmae for beta reading!_

**I Will Come To You**

"_Someday when all your dreams may have seen better days. And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way. Have no fear when your tears are fallin', I will hear when your spirit's callin'. And I swear I'll be there, come what may."_

I shake my head slowly at Logan, and I can see it is angering him. "Don't look at me like that, Logan. I haven't done anything wrong. Besides, I think it will be the best for both of us if I stay here. It wouldn't be right if I came back now, not with the way I left things."

If I thought the pain couldn't get worse, I was wrong. Bobby's eyes now held a sudden realization; he knew who I loved. He balled his hands up into a fist and I could see his body shaking just a little. I don't know who he is angry at, me or Logan. I can only see the fury building within him and it seems as if he is about to explode. Before I can even register what is happening, Bobby is in front of Logan, with his fist slamming into his cheek. I place my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. Bobby hits him again, while Logan's face is still turned to the side. "You bastard! It's your fault she ran away! I knew it. I always knew. She always loved your more than she loved me." Bobby looked at me with a disgusted look, and went to strike him a third time, but Logan's reflexes were to quick.

Blocking the punch, he grabs Bobby's fist and twists it. I could see Bobby tighten up in pain, but he didn't make a sound. With his free hand, he tries to fight back, but it's pointless. He's over powered and he isn't going to do anything stupid to win this battle. Logan releases his arm and pushes him halfway across the room. I have an urge to run after Bobby, but my eyes are intently focused on Logan's.

"What the hell was that for?" Logan shouts.

Bobby pushes himself up, his voice straining. "You're the one she loves."

"Leave," Logan says so quietly, I almost can't hear.

"What?" Bobby asks incredulously.

"Leave. Now."

It sounded like a threat, and if it weren't coming from Logan's mouth, I would have been terrified. Bobby finishes pushing himself up, obeying the command, and walks outside. Everything is quiet for a few minutes, and finally Logan speaks. "He's gone now."

I just stare at him, my eyes wide and confused. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"What, defend myself?"

"You didn't have to throw him across the room!" I shout angrily. For a moment, I forget the bigger picture.

"First of all, I didn't throw him, I shoved him. Secondly, be happy I didn't break _these_ out." He waves his hand in front of me, and shivers run down my spine.

I take a deep breath, "I don't think I can come back, Logan."

"Marie, stop being a child! I don't—I don't care that you love me."

I bite hard on my lip, and then look back up at Logan. "Then why the hell do you want me back?"

"I didn't mean it that way! Marie, please, this is hard for me. What I mean is, I don't hate you."

"But you don't care about me the way you used to," I say quietly. Whatever friendship we had, it was tainted it with my love.

"Remember the first time you ran away from us? I don't mean when you got your powers back, before then—"

I look down and finish his sentence, "—and you came for me."

"Because I always will. No matter where you are or what you do or what problem you get yourself into, I will come for you. I would do anything for you, Marie."

_But you won't love me_, I say silently to myself. "You also said to follow my instincts... when I ran away."

He gives me a look of defeat and nods his head. "What are your instincts telling you now?"

"Stay here."

"No! I won't let you. We're all worried, it's not safe, and—"

"I'm _not_ a little girl anymore, Logan. I don't need your protection." The words slip out before I even realize what I am saying. "You said you'd do anything for me. Let me stay. Let me find myself."

"You won't find her," he says softly, and my heart breaks.

"I think I can." I say, hopeful.

I still wasn't ready to leave just yet; there is so much left undone here. Besides, I don't know if I can face Logan and Bobby every day.

Logan swallows, "What will you do for me?"

"What?" I ask, confused.

"I'd do anything for you, would you do anything for me?"

That was the stupidest question I have ever heard; of course I would do anything for him, that and more. "What do you want?"

He looks hard into my eyes. "Come home. Just for a little bit, at least."

I knew what he was thinking. If he could get me to go back, then I'd want to stay. I'll prove him wrong. "For a few days," I agree.

It's that look again; the one that throws me off, ever since I met him. I could swear it looks as if he's about to kiss me, but I know that can't be true.


	16. Chapter 16

_I'm so sorry it took me forever to update. Laptop died, desktop is evil, but it appears things are getting better....and I hope to finish this fan fiction soon. It will be up to you guys if I do a sequel. If you want it, I'll do it. If not, I'll probably just let things end in this story. (I have like 2-3 more chapters planned.) Anywhos, thanks to LoganLuvr for beta-reading and all the awesome advice. && thankyou Kimmae!_

**Broken: Part One**

"_You've gone away. You don't feel me here anymore"_

I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to be back "home". I guess it's mostly nerve wrecking seeing as how everyone is staring at me, sort of like they did after Bobby and I broke up, but worse. I could hear so many whispers, some accusing and some curious. "Where did she go to? Why did she leave? Did she really get her powers back? What did she do to Bobby? The boy not only looks like his heart was broken, but he looks pretty beat up physically," and so on. It was painful knowing the answers to these questions, knowing the pain I've caused. But most of all, being back here was like attending a funeral, a final goodbye. I was mourning. I was afraid. Despite how much I want to be on my own, this will always be my home. I have to admit that to myself sooner or later.

But everybody has to leave their home eventually, everybody has to say goodbye. I must spread my wings and leave the nest, or I will never be happy. Even if Bobby wants me back, or by some miracle Logan were to say he loves me too, I would be utterly alone. There's this hole, this missing piece of my soul that I don't quite understand. I need to figure it out and what this darkness inside me means. Being on my own has forced me to recognize this darkness.

When I first came back I was greeted by Storm. She suggested we take a walk and discuss what I've done. I was nervous, but not as nervous as I was at the thought of running into Bobby. I told Storm what happened, how I did it, and the many reasons why. I told her about how much I care about Logan, although she already knew. I told her everything, including the fact that I wasn't going to be staying. The look on her face when I told her I was going back was a combination of shock and sadness. I was letting her down, but in a way, she seemed to understand.

Only Storm, Logan, Bobby, and myself know the true events of this so-called scandal. Only they know why and how, and that I'm going to leave again. There were many rumors circulating though, and not all of them were far from the truth. However, most of them were completely ridiculous. One of them said that Logan and I were having a secret relationship and I ended up pregnant, and that's why I ran away. Sometimes, I wanted to correct those people. I hated Logan getting brought into such horrible stories. But I don't dare tell anybody the truth, because then everyone would know what really happened. Everyone would know what a fool I am. Not only that, but I'm sure Logan would suffer if the truth came out.

"Is it true?" I hear a voice from behind me. I've been asked this question many times, and I usually respond with a 'no comment' type answer. But this voice is different from the rest. It is strained, as if its owner has been crying. I spin around knowing full well who said it. Behind me, Kitty is standing with tears falling down her cheeks.

"Is what true?" I ask.

"Did you runaway because of me? I'm really sorry if I hurt you in any way. I knew you truly cared about him, so I should've backed off... I promise I won't...."

"Kitty, you did nothing to cause any of this." I feel shock and pity coursing through my heart, "please, don't blame yourself. I had my reasons for leaving, and none of them concerned you. They hardly even concerned Bobby."

"People... they're saying lots of horrible things."

"I know."

"Is any of it true?"

I take a deep breath, "No. Not really."

"Some people say that you're not one of us anymore, that you're evil now. I don't believe that."

"Haven't heard that one. I won't claim to be a saint, Kitty; I've caused a lot of pain." I say this looking around the empty hallway. "But, I'm not about to join the forces of evil anytime soon. That would mean fighting against you guys, against people I care about. So don't worry. That's not going to happen."

"They think you hurt Bobby. I mean, attacked him."

I smile, "That wasn't exactly my doing, but I suppose it's my fault."

"Well, I just want you to know, that I'm backing off, officially. Bobby loves you anyway."

I shake my head. "Don't. He's going to need someone when I'm gone."

"What?!" Kitty almost yells, "You can't leave again!"

"Actually, I can, and I need to. Bobby and I... we're not right together."

"What do you mean? You two are like soul mates."

"No, we're not." I start to choke and the tears begin to fall. "I wish we were. That way, I wouldn't be hurting him so badly right now. Take care of him, Kitty. I'm sorry if I ever treated you badly. And don't believe everything that you hear. You're a good girl."

And with that, I walk away. I don't know where I'm going, but I feel as if I've overstayed my welcome here. I came back, and that was all I promised Logan. I can't stay here any longer. I feel heartbroken and out of place.

I find my place to my room and begin packing what little possessions I brought with me or were leftover from before. As I'm throwing clothes into a suitcase, I hear a knock on the door. I sigh. "Who is it?"

"It's me." Logan pushes open the door as I spin around.

"You know, for someone who practically demanded I come back, I've hardly seen you."

"I've been avoiding you."

I'm certain these words should have hurt me, but his blunt honesty has shocked me beyond all reason. No more lies? Are we really going to really discuss this? Do I even want to now? I feel embarrassed and ashamed, but I sit down on the bed and wait for Logan to finish speaking his mind.

"That was wrong of me. I need to face this situation like man, and stop hiding. I got mad at you for running away, but I'm just as bad. I've been running for a long time."

"You have some immature little girl with a crush on you." I fight back the tears, "It's not exactly an easy situation."

"Don't sugar coat it, Marie. You've already put it out there. I think this is more than just a schoolgirl crush."

"Okay."

"But it's not just that. I've been running away from everything. Sure, I live my day to day life as if everything is fine and sometimes the pain even goes away, but it always comes back. No matter how far I run away, it always catches up to me. I just cannot move on. I'm not ready to let her go." I knew where this was going, but I didn't want to hear it. "I still love Jean."

Those words were like a dagger to my soul. Oh, I've known this for a long time, but to hear him say it now hurt, and unless he's blind, he can see it. "I know, Logan. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"But," he reaches his hand and cups my chin, "I care about you. It's confusing and I'm not sure where to place these emotions. I've cared about you, as more than a friend, for a long time now. It didn't seem right to me, though. Plus, you seemed to have a crush on Bobby. I focused my feelings on Jean. I loved her, and it made more sense. Then you said you loved me, and I was afraid."

"Afraid?" I whisper.

"Of betraying Jean. Of losing her."

Logan lets go of me, and shakes his head. It killed me. Every fiber of my being was aching for him to kiss me and dying because he wasn't going to. He stands up and stares at me with the eyes belonging to a tortured soul. "Marie, I'm sorry. That's as much as I can give you: the truth. You deserve at least that."

"It's fine, really. I'm sorry for ever putting you in such a situation. It was selfish of me."

"Don't."

"I'm leaving in a few hours." I announce, ignoring his tortured expression, "I'd better finish packing. Again, I'm really sorry for the pain I've caused you. I never intended it. Any of this. It just happened. I hope you can forgive me."

"Marie, stop."

"No, Logan. It was horrible of me, because I knew you were dying inside. Ever since Jean's death, I've hardly... you're not the same person. You're darker. But, I was selfish. I was weak. You wouldn't be in this damn situation right now if it weren't for me. I'm stupid, Logan. Sometimes I think things over way too much and other times, I skip something, and say it before I realize how it's going to destroy another person. I've broke you even further. God knows what I've done to Bobby. I'm a horrible person, and don't you dare deny it."

"Marie, stop insulting yourself. This is not your fault."

I couldn't stop though. I began to say the words I heard his voice saying to me after I had run away. Such horrible names, and all the while I was doing this, I wanted him to agree with me. For whatever insane reason, I felt as though if Logan were to just agree, to tell me that I am a selfish bitch, I would feel so much better. I'd rather him hate me than 'care' about me. It made no sense, but it's what I felt. Maybe it had to do something with the fact that he said he 'cared' about me. Not love me, not the way he loved Jean. Yes, that must be it. I wanted it all, or nothing.

I've just begun to say another string of insults, when Logan grabs my wrists tightly. "Marie, stop this now. I've heard enough of this. The fact that you keep going on this way like some insane masochist, _almost_ makes me want to agree with you."

Almost. My heart shatters, "Just say it, Logan. Tell me you hate me. Make it easier on the both of us."

"I'm not going to lie to you. I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest with you, but apparently I was wrong. I thought you'd want to know the truth."

"I don't understand the truth. You care about me. How, how do you care about me? Do you like me? Obviously you've made it clear as more than a friend. Is it the way I care about Bobby? You love me, but you don't. You heart flutters and you care, but you're body doesn't catch on fire and it doesn't kill you if I'm gone." I wait for Logan to respond, but he's utterly silent so I continue. "It killed me every time you would leave. I was always worrying that something might happen to you. After Jean died, I was afraid that you would do something stupid, get yourself killed somehow."

"I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. I even came up with some gruesome ideas, but you know why I didn't do it? Why I kept going on?"

I shake my head no.

"...Because of you."


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I really do appreciate them. And, as always, thanks to my beta reader, LoganLuvr. And the song lyric below is from "Broken" by Seether/Amy Lee.&& thanks to Kimmae

**Broken: Part Two**

_"The worse is over now and we can breathe again."_

_Because of you. _I can't really describe how it made me feel to hear that. I suppose it was such a strange mixture of emotions, and none really stood out from one another. I felt happy, sad, comforted, guilty, broken, confused, powerless, disappointed, selfish, foolish, and damn near every other emotion you could think of. It blurred into one big emotion that was breaking me and healing me both at the same time. Old wounds were being tended to with these words. _He does care about you. You don't have to hurt like that anymore._ But new wounds were forming in this battered soul of mine. _It's not enough. It will never be enough. He can never love you more than he loves her. _And even though it killed me emotionally, spiritually, and even physically to admit it to myself... he would _always_ love her. I never even had a chance. I knew that all along, but the reasons for it were different than what I originally thought. It was never because he didn't care about me that way... it was because he cared about her more.

Knowing all of this only made my decision to leave that much easier. It wasn't a selfish choice, though. Not like last time. It was what was best for everyone really. I had done too much, caused too much pain. Logan could continue his life and grieving without my presence there to make the pain worse. Bobby could get on with his life as well. Without guilt, he could date Kitty, and he could be happy. These two boys that I care deeply about, their happiness is all that matters to me.

I hope that Bobby can look past everything that's happened, and one day be my friend. We'd be much better as friends, I think. I just hope he can really let me go, but I think he can. I think Kitty can do for him what I never could: _truly_ love him with all her heart and soul, to love him and nobody else. Even if I never ran away and chose to be with Bobby, I couldn't do that. My heart, or at least a part of it, was always somewhere else.

I'm thirty miles away from all of this. Thirty miles away from the gossip, the broken hearts, Logan, Bobby, Storm, Kitty, and my home. I was on my way back to Washington. Back to the new home I had made for myself and the life I created. I called Ms. Foster and told her I was going to be available again for babysitting. She said she was glad to have me back. I told her I was glad to be coming back. Sure, this life wasn't _exactly_ what I wanted, but it was nice. I would be happy, or as close as I can get to happy.

Despite the fact I am leaving again, this time is going to be different. I am not in hiding. I will still stay in touch with everyone. Even Logan. Or rather, especially Logan. He made it quite clear that I was to check in with him regularly and he even promised to visit me.

"_I don't care whether you want me to or not. I will come to see you. I'll need to know you're doing alright."_

They were just more sweet words that I'm not sure I wanted to hear.

Each mile that takes me farther away from Xavier's School feels like this huge divider between Logan and I, and suddenly, I can see his tortured face in my mind. I realize it hurts him more than it hurts me, not being together. The fact that he simply can't give me what I want breaks him. But even if he could, I reason with myself, he wouldn't. He physically couldn't. My touch is poison. To kiss me is to kiss death. To touch my face without gloved hands is a death sentence. I'm the Reaper in love with a mere man. Mutant or not, that's what he is.

I realize now how dangerous it is to be alone. These thoughts that I was so sure I had forgotten are crashing down me again and I'm quickly sinking into depression. Why me? Why can't I just be happy? The question and the pain, its' all surfacing now. But I'm fighting it. I refuse to cry, because I refuse to be brought down by circumstances. I've let myself sink too far these past months. It's time I be brave.

I'm almost home when my cell phone rings. "Hello," I answer.

"Hey. How are things? You make it there safely?" It's Logan's voice.

"Almost there, but yeah, I appear to be alive and well."

"Marie, I need you to promise me something."

"Anything." I said eagerly without thinking.

"If you ever want to come back or if you ever need me, please tell me. I will be there as soon as possible and I will help you in any way I can. Or if you want to come back, but you don't want to be around me... say the word, and I'll leave."

"I appreciate that, Logan. But you have to know that the reason I decided not to stay isn't because of you. I've already told you that. Tell me you believe me."

"I believe you. I just want to make sure."

"You can trust me. I know that probably sounds crazy considering my insane breakdown, but it's true."

"I know. Just let me know if you need anything. Whatever you want, if I can give it to you, I will."

I don't speak now, and neither does he. Those probably weren't the best choice of words. He knew what I wanted, but he wasn't willing to give it. I couldn't blame him, of course. It's not really his fault. I try so hard to think of words to say to him, something to let him know that it's alright to say things like that. It doesn't hurt me, but it does, in a way, and I don't want to lie to him. "Well, I'm almost there, so I better go. I'll talk to you later." Lame, but it was the best I could do.

"I love you, Marie. I wish I could give you more than that, but I can't."

"It's okay." I say, and hang up the phone.


	18. Epilogue

_Sorry this took me a while to post. Still haven't been feeling to great & then I was waiting for it to be beta read :/ Anywhos, I figured I should just post it. This is the final chapter and there is a sequel called "Runaway" posted now. Thankyou, Kimmae, for beta reading!_

**Epilogue**

"I'm so happy you're back!" Lisa smiles and wraps her arms around me. I couldn't help it, I stiffened, and she noticed. "Sorry, I was just so happy."

"Oh, it's okay. I'm just a little stressed is all."

"Does it have to do with whatever happened after you left?"

I don't know what it is about Lisa, but whenever I'm around her I feel just a little bit happier. She's a very perceptive young girl, and despite her age, there are times when I feel like I am talking to a close friend. It's as if I could open up to her and tell her anything… even about being a mutant. Or at the very least, my real name. Without fully deciding upon it, I say, "I need to tell you something about me, Lisa."

"That's no surprise." Her smile is soft and knowing, and it sort of makes me nervous.

"My real name isn't Raven."

"Well, that sucks. It's such a cool name, too! So what is your name? Something really lame?"

I can't help but smile. Only Lisa would take this so calmly. "Marie."

"I guess its an okay name. Can I still call you Raven sometimes?"

I laugh, "Sure. Actually, I'm not really sure I'm ready for your mom to know I lied to her about my name."

Lisa's face grows serious now. "So, what else have you lied about?"

"Not a lot, really. I told you before why I was running away; that's one of the reasons why I lied about my name."

"I can tell there's something else you're keeping, but that's okay, I guess. We all have our secrets."

"And what secrets do you have?" I ask, finding it hard to believe someone like Lisa could have any deep, dark secrets.

"I can… I… I guess I can tell you. Maybe if I'm honest with you, you'll be honest with me. You see, I don't know if I'm completely nuts, but it's like I can feel what other people are feeling. I can't hear their thoughts, but I can almost sense them sometimes."

I'm not really sure what to think as Lisa makes this confession. For a moment, I think she's just a kid messing around with me, but the sincerity in her eyes says otherwise. Either Lisa is telling the truth, or she is 'nuts', and needs some serious help. The possibility that Lisa is telling the truth terrifies me—can she sense that I'm a mutant?

"Like right now, you're really scared." Lisa continues, " You're afraid I know something about you that you haven't told me, but I don't. I swear, Marie, I don't know anything."

"How did you—?"

"It's just something I can do." She smiles weakly. "And sometimes I can change people's feelings. Make them feel more at peace… or worse."

"Are you a…?" I can bring myself to ask it.

"Mutant? I'm not sure. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just psychic or something."

I take a deep breath, "I can do things too, Lisa."

"Like what?"

"If I touch somebody… I can kill them."

"So, that's why you always wear gloves."

*** * ***

I spent most of the night talking to Lisa, opening up. I even told her about everything that happened when I left. I told her about Xaiver's School, and she seemed really interested. I told her that she might be able to attend, and she really liked the idea. I told her everything that I haven't been able to tell anyone, and it felt right.

Now I'm thinking that maybe things really do happen for a reason. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be, to not only grow and mature on my own, but help Lisa do the same, help her understand she isn't a freak. And Lisa is helping me understand that it's okay to be in love and not have that love returned. That it's good to feel that sharp pain every now and then.

"It means you're human." she told me.

_You're human. _And I think that's something I forgot, because I so often label myself as a mutant or a monster. _I'm human._ Maybe that's what I was really searching for all along: my humanity.


End file.
